A Nice Girl Would Never Make a Guy Squirm

Last night, while spending time with friends, one of them mentioned how he married his wife because he didn’t like nice girls. What followed was a highly amusing “argument” in which he tried to dig his way out of that hole “you know what I mean when I say I don’t like nice girls” while she pretended to misconstrue him, “are you saying you think I’m mean???”. I later found out that he asked the other two guys there if they liked nice girls while I was out of the room. Ahem. Gentlemen, would either of you like to clarify your answers?

Given the vagarities of the English language, even a phrase that we think we all understand well, like “nice girl”, can have several different meanings. I thought I’d take a bit of time to tease out these separate but possibly overlapping definitions. Then I may do a bit of misconstruction of my own. ;-)

The first kind of “nice girl” might be said to have no back-bone. She has no opinions but what the others around her have. She tries so hard to be pleasant and agreeable that she sacrifices the expression of her own personal identity (such as it is—she may not have a well-developed one) or even her own sense of what is right. This type of nice girl may be something of a hangover from past generations, when women, like children, were expected to be seen and not heard. The reason (I suppose) guys don’t like her is that she is a mirror, only able to reflect them, never able to show them a glimpse of something else. And every honest person is disgusted with himself at some point. This is not a girl that can challenge a guy to become a better person. She is, to put it bluntly, boring.

The second type of “nice girl” is the sort that would never kiss a guy on the first date. She is modest. She is never a sexual tease. In the context of Christianity, she is the sort to save sex for marriage. Need I explain why some guys might find this type of nice girl unattractive?

The third type of “nice girl” is good-natured and kind. She is the kind of girl that would rescue a turtle from imminent peril. She would also bake Snickerdoodles for those she cares about. She is patient with small children and animals. Ahem. Yeah, I see why this girl is so unappealing. I mean, who likes cookies anyway? I personally vow to never ever make Snickerdoodles ever again. Wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a nice girl. Also, next time I see a turtle in the middle of the highway, I’m letting that sucker get smashed. Sorry Yertle, but I have a reputation to think about.

Squirming in your seat yet? Yeah, you better be. (Don’t you just love equivocation, ladies? ;-)