Luck

Yesterday at work I felt like I had abruptly landed in the middle of Mark Twain’s short story "Luck". As to whether my part in situation was that of the lauded but idiot general, the clergyman, or merely the narrator, I decline to say.

“Here was a wooden-head whom I had put in the way of glittering promotions and prodigious responsibilities, and but one thing could happen: he and his responsibilities would all go to ruin together at the first opportunity.”

Life is very odd sometimes.

Remember That Episode From "The Office"?

I just got out of a meeting whose purpose was to explain some new forms which had been developed to help more efficiently organize some official documentation we have.

They were. . . .tables of content. Yep. Six different variations on tables of content. The meeting lasted nearly an hour. We went into very great detail on these forms. It was explained how they worked. You know, they give a short reference with a page number that points to where the full information is located. There were examples of these forms filled out. With real page numbers referenced. Then we were asked if we thought this was a good idea.

Now it is possible that I’m oversimplifying the meeting a bit, and I might have zoned out a little and missed some important details, but yeah, that’s a summary of the meeting.

Makes you feel a bit better about your own job, doesn’t it?

Not By The Hair of My Chinny Chin Chin!

One of the most amusing quirks about the building I work in (it’s a modular trailer) is that the roof rattles on windy days.

So on a day like today, with winds at 20mph and gusting to 40+, it seems like a tremendous thunderstorm is perpetually rumbling straight overhead. It’s hard to carry on conversations at certain points.

I can even hear the squeaky sound the siding makes as it shakes outside....

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"MacGyver" Meets "The Office"

Here’s one of the unexpected hazards of commuting to work by bike: I don’t bike in the clothes I intend to wear at work, so I pack my work clothes in my bag. This morning, I thought I grabbed the jeans that do not require a belt, but I actually grabbed the jeans that DO require a belt. I did not bring a belt. And when I say these jeans need a belt, I don’t mean “they look cuter with a belt”; it’s more along the lines of “I’m trying to avoid mooning my boss”. I was feeling extremely self conscious in these jeans, until I jerry-rigged myself a belt that would have made MacGyver proud: one bungee cord and three large paperclips. I feel much better now. Plus I’m rather proud of my ingenuity.

Crazy Day at Work

Work has been rather crazy today. The electricity is out in our two main buildings, and they are having to make due with back-up generators. Our company requires a lot of power to operate--not just to run computers and other run-of-the-mill office equipment, but also our -70°C freezers and cold rooms and other high tech lab equipment, plus high tech manufacturing equipment. I think fistfights are breaking out next door as different departments fight for the emergency powered lab equipment and outlets. I have to give them props, though: no matter what it takes or how long they have to stay, they will finish the job. I have never met a group of people so dedicated to their jobs. When 9/11 shut down air traffic for several days, our CEO and other employees loaded up trucks with our product to deliver to customers across the country (we usually ship our product overnight air).

And then there's me, back in my modular trailer, which apparently is on a different electrical grid than the rest of the company, blissfully humming along without a hiccup in my activities. It seems a shame, because I know my coworkers are stressed and will be working long hours because of this. Even if I had lost power, I could still do enough of my job not to fall behind in my work, or have the heat destroy the work I’ve already done.

It’s made for an interesting day, though. If I step into one of the other buildings, the difference is immediately noticeable in the quiet absence of the electric hum from fluorescent lights, or the whirl of computer processors, or the swish of the air conditioning kicking on. All you can hear are natural sounds—the sounds of human voices and human footsteps—more than usual, because people are trying to figure out how to deal with this mess and are unable to do their usual tasks or communicate in their usual ways (ie: email).

Outside, by contrast, one cannot hear any natural sounds: no insects humming, no birds singing, no wind rustling the leaves in the trees. All natural noises are lost under the relentless roar of the various backup generators stationed at different doors outside our manufacturing building. Even the natural smell of a freshly cut lawn is lost to the diesel smell emanating from these mechanical beasts.

Moral Irritation

It starts like a pebble caught in your shoe. You can feel it, rubbing against your heel, but the pain is not so bad that you cannot walk. It’s just a little uncomfortable. Or it might be like a pair of pants with a rough seam that rubs against your leg as you walk. It’s just a minor irritation. But if you do not remove the irritant, one of two things will happen. Either your body will slowly develop a callus at the place of irritation, growing thicker skin to the point where the irritant is no longer felt, not because the pebble is gone, but because you have lost a certain level of sensitivity. Or, in the case of the rough seam, it will slowly but surely rub your skin raw. That spot will become extremely painful and take a long time to heal.

Of course, when dealing with an actual physical irritation, the problem is usually easily remedied and of the two scenarios, ending up with a callus is much preferred. When the irritation is caused by a morally complicated or ambiguous situation, and the part of you that is irritated is your soul, the solution can seem more difficult than simply taking off your shoe, and the formation of a callus is the worse scenario (judging by Jesus’ harsh words against the hard-hearted Pharisees). The method for removing the irritant might be easy enough to find, perhaps, but could cost you dearly in some way: your time, money, a friendship, or respect. When is the price of a moral irritation acceptable, and when is it too dear?

Perhaps I should define moral irritation more clearly. I am trying to keep it somewhat vague on purpose, because I think that thoughtful, moral people with similar belief systems can identify very different things as causing them moral irritation. But most of my moral irritants have this in common: they arise from a situation in which I am not the person initiating the wrong or evil act, but my actions in that situation either implicitly condone the wrong/evil actions, or at least fail to condemn them. And this failure to act or failure to act as I feel I should, leaves me feeling uncomfortable.

I’ve had a number of moral irritants over the years. Some I have dealt with appropriately, even though it cost me in some way. Others I am still hesitating over, selfishly unwilling to pay the price. Sometimes I think I make the moral decision simply to end the irritation, and not because I want to do the “right thing”.

The moral irritation that prompted this post doesn’t really have a clear resolution. It involves a situation at work, which I won’t go into in this public space, except to note that my employer is doing nothing illegal—this is really just a personal moral thing. No action on my part can change matters, and even if I had the power to change things, I’m not sure that those changes would eliminate the irritation—it might be equivalent to putting the pebble in my other shoe.

So I’m stuck, living with this irritant rubbing against one small corner of my soul. How much does it even matter? It’s certainly not the only irritant, and by no means the biggest. But I hate feeling like I have chosen money and security over personal integrity.

Maybe this little pebble will be one more thing to spur me on towards finishing my degree and leaving this job.